Reeling 'Em In and Striking Out
WARNING: I don't mean it like that. I apologize. I realize that this blog has serious potential for me to lose any cool points I might have. If you think I am cool or you are a lady, do not proceed in reading this. Oh, and yes I know, I think too much. It's just what I do.
You know, you'd think I'd be good at this whole going out on dates thing and that I could probably pick up any girl that I wanted because I have done it so much. Not so. I suck at this. I just like to take girls out and get to know them. It's not like I want a girlfriend. If something is there it's there, if it's not, it's not. Life goes on and I take another girl out. I'm trying to have fun with the college dating scene. But, it doesn't work too well when everybody double takes at the fact that I went on a date. It's like people think that I'm looking for a girlfriend when ever I ask them out. I mean, it doesn't happen a lot that I ask people on dates, but when I do, there seems to be an unspoken expectation that I am looking for something more. I have noticed however, that when the girl is not expecting anything either I have a really good time. Because she is relaxed, I am relaxed and neither are expecting anything to happen after the date. And it's like a pleasant surprise if something does.
I was talking to a friend of mine and I was telling her that I think that in order to get somebody really special - you know the kind you are really impressed with and you really want to work - than you have to do something really special for them to get their attention. She agreed and said that she usually will never consider a guy unless he goes out on a limb.
Well, you know, I've never been shy when it comes to girls and I how know how to treat 'em right and go out on a limb and all that jazz. But I tend to get a little impatient or aggressive (in an unphysical way) when I see something I want. Sometimes that is unattractive to a girl. Sort of overbearing. I just want to get to know her and either proceed with her or move on. You see, I have a high at bat average. Not a high hitting average or strike out average. I am at the plate more than the usual guy. I think its because guys, myself included, strike out more than they hit. However, they tend get discouraged. Not me, I strike out and I'm right back at the plate to take another pitch. I'm fearless when it comes to striking out. No shame.
I think the way to do it is to sort of reel 'em in slowly. Like the Old Man and the Sea. You've got a line in your hands with something good on the other end. If you reel too fast the line is gonna slip through your hands. You gotta keep 'em on edge, keep 'em thinking about ya. Wondering if you're gonna call soon because you haven't in a few days. I tend to call too soon and ask out too soon. Hadn't worked too well.
Another problem of mine. I was watching Swingers and the supporting actor said something that sort of clicked. He was telling the main actor how to act when asking a girl out. He said "don't go over there and be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everybody is rooting for and you really hope he does good. Be that guy in the Rated R movie that everyone is not too sure about yet, kind of mysterious." I am totally that guy in the PG-13 movie. I think I am too nice sometimes. Too nice, too soon.
Another thought. There is something to be said at having to work at starting a relationship. It is worth while to say that there is nothing quite like getting a girl you've been working for to finally start liking you. I think that is a good foundation for a relationship. Fighting for something that you want, not just given to you. I don't think I have ever had that before. I have never worked at the beginnings of a relationship. Either I got her and decided to move on or I didn't get her and decided to move on. It's the latter of the two that makes me think "what if she is really cool and I am just giving up too soon." I don't know. Guess you can't live life like that. Wondering "what if." It will make you insane.
Question: Is a guy fighting for a girl better? The knight in shining armor overcoming rejection and proving valiant enough to win over her heart. Or is the guy playing hard to get better? Giving the girl small waifs of a good scent making her want more and more.
Conclusion: You can't go wrong with being patient. There is no harm in waiting. Either way it works out: you get the girl thinking or catch 'em with an unexpected surprise.
DISCLAIMER: I didn't mean it like that. I apologize. I realize that I may have just lost some serious cool points with anybody who used to think I was cool or with any ladies that have just read this. Oh, and yes I know, I think too much. It's just what I do.
You know, you'd think I'd be good at this whole going out on dates thing and that I could probably pick up any girl that I wanted because I have done it so much. Not so. I suck at this. I just like to take girls out and get to know them. It's not like I want a girlfriend. If something is there it's there, if it's not, it's not. Life goes on and I take another girl out. I'm trying to have fun with the college dating scene. But, it doesn't work too well when everybody double takes at the fact that I went on a date. It's like people think that I'm looking for a girlfriend when ever I ask them out. I mean, it doesn't happen a lot that I ask people on dates, but when I do, there seems to be an unspoken expectation that I am looking for something more. I have noticed however, that when the girl is not expecting anything either I have a really good time. Because she is relaxed, I am relaxed and neither are expecting anything to happen after the date. And it's like a pleasant surprise if something does.
I was talking to a friend of mine and I was telling her that I think that in order to get somebody really special - you know the kind you are really impressed with and you really want to work - than you have to do something really special for them to get their attention. She agreed and said that she usually will never consider a guy unless he goes out on a limb.
Well, you know, I've never been shy when it comes to girls and I how know how to treat 'em right and go out on a limb and all that jazz. But I tend to get a little impatient or aggressive (in an unphysical way) when I see something I want. Sometimes that is unattractive to a girl. Sort of overbearing. I just want to get to know her and either proceed with her or move on. You see, I have a high at bat average. Not a high hitting average or strike out average. I am at the plate more than the usual guy. I think its because guys, myself included, strike out more than they hit. However, they tend get discouraged. Not me, I strike out and I'm right back at the plate to take another pitch. I'm fearless when it comes to striking out. No shame.
I think the way to do it is to sort of reel 'em in slowly. Like the Old Man and the Sea. You've got a line in your hands with something good on the other end. If you reel too fast the line is gonna slip through your hands. You gotta keep 'em on edge, keep 'em thinking about ya. Wondering if you're gonna call soon because you haven't in a few days. I tend to call too soon and ask out too soon. Hadn't worked too well.
Another problem of mine. I was watching Swingers and the supporting actor said something that sort of clicked. He was telling the main actor how to act when asking a girl out. He said "don't go over there and be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everybody is rooting for and you really hope he does good. Be that guy in the Rated R movie that everyone is not too sure about yet, kind of mysterious." I am totally that guy in the PG-13 movie. I think I am too nice sometimes. Too nice, too soon.
Another thought. There is something to be said at having to work at starting a relationship. It is worth while to say that there is nothing quite like getting a girl you've been working for to finally start liking you. I think that is a good foundation for a relationship. Fighting for something that you want, not just given to you. I don't think I have ever had that before. I have never worked at the beginnings of a relationship. Either I got her and decided to move on or I didn't get her and decided to move on. It's the latter of the two that makes me think "what if she is really cool and I am just giving up too soon." I don't know. Guess you can't live life like that. Wondering "what if." It will make you insane.
Question: Is a guy fighting for a girl better? The knight in shining armor overcoming rejection and proving valiant enough to win over her heart. Or is the guy playing hard to get better? Giving the girl small waifs of a good scent making her want more and more.
Conclusion: You can't go wrong with being patient. There is no harm in waiting. Either way it works out: you get the girl thinking or catch 'em with an unexpected surprise.
DISCLAIMER: I didn't mean it like that. I apologize. I realize that I may have just lost some serious cool points with anybody who used to think I was cool or with any ladies that have just read this. Oh, and yes I know, I think too much. It's just what I do.
posted by Luke Lockwood at 3/17/2005 01:44:00 AM
5 Comments:
Another good one...Did I help to contribute to this entry? One of the points sounds like a very familiar conversation...
You need to read Wild at Heart, I can't remember the author's name, but it is spiritually based book on life, love and dating for guys. It's really good! Kyle Jacob has it and could probably give you the name of the author.
Sidenote: I think you have to let them know you're interested, but not let them know how much..as much as it pains me to say this...It is a game, and must be played that way...I didn't write the rules!
P.S. I wouldn't wait a few days to call a girl because I also believe boys have a 24-36 hour window to call after a date. Not necessarily to ask her out again, but just to show interest. But, why listen to me...my way obviously hasn't worked!
Keep up the good work...you keep me thinking too!
Amanda
Literary content? A+. Particularly liked the way beginning and end tied together. Were you taught that, or did it come naturally like all of your damned athleticism?
I will probably echo my father (as I am wont to do) and query aloud whether having one's self so "out there" is a good thing. And no, you should NOT read Wild At Heart.
Luke, its ok to think deep sometimes, specially when it comes to woman. If you cant beat them, then join them Id say...THink with them! Hollar at your boy!
i like the analogy, although i suppose i'm not surprised you used a baseball one. from your other posts, it sounds like you're doing well these days. good to hear. drop me a line sometime.
Well hello there hot stuff! How you doin' [add in lifted eyebrows and smile]???
This was a very interesting post to come across, although much enjoyed! See around these parts (oh goodness was that ever southern!), the boys are rather odd. All the ones who want relationships are usually engaged or about to be and well the rest of the male population doesn't generally ask girls on dates because they think there is probably something better out there. . .
It is refreshing that there are males who actually go for what they want!
I miss picking on you!
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