Constructing Efficacy

I am feeling lonely today. No real explanation. I can't say that it is homesickness because I don't miss anything about home except the good cooking and mom's always welcoming smile. I guess I miss familiarity. Work has brought me away from my summer dwellings to Killeen, TX. Instead of sleeping on a hotel floor with seven other guys I decided to drive 40 minutes North each night to stay with an old friend in Waco. I don't like feeling like the new guy all the time or staying at someone else's house too much. As if doing that with relatives wasn't enough, I am now staying with friends trying to evade at all costs staying with my co-workers that I can't communicate with. John's wedding this weekend is a well timed event. Good friends and good laughs. On top of that, a rush party is planned the same day. So a double dose of familiarity: some of the old and some of the new that will hopefully get me through the rest of the summer.

Work is mentally challenging. Only twice have I felt that I physically could not work anymore. But everyday I have to psych myself up and make small goals to accomplish so I can win small victories to get myself through that hour. Communication is another problem. I work all day without holding a conversation with anybody. It is amazing how much easier work can be when you have someone to talk to as you do it.

This job however can bring triumphant feelings of accomplishments when looking back on what has already been done. The end of the day is thoroughly enjoyed sitting or talking to someone or watching tv without the feeling that I need to be doing something. A feeling that I get often when in school. When work is done, it is done and I can enjoy my time off.

Thinking about the future, I visited with some cousins of mine this past weekend. I was enjoying the lake and not having to work. One is enlisted in the Air Force and his wife works for the Civil Service in the Air Force. She brought it to my attention that the Civil Service is always looking for Civil Engineers to hire. But what made my ears perk is that when working for the Civil Service you can apply to work on any base in the world and will most likely get a Civil Engineering job if there is a position available. On top of that, the military will pay back all of my student loans. An experience hard to say no to. I would love to see the world and have my loans paid back for me while getting paid a decent starting salary with quick promotions and get experience. I haven't found a flaw yet. Still working on that one.